Monday, 7 November 2011

Epistemologically Unsound Conclusions Concerning Japan and the Japanese, Based on Japanese Television

Number three in a series of some.

“Japanese people are Endopterygota.”

Which is to say that young Japanese 'women' are no such thing. They are in fact just the larval phase of the organism, and will eventually metamorphose into their adult stage, more commonly known as 'old Japanese men'.

I know it seems preposterous. “You idiot,” you cry, “They’re different sexes, not different stages of the same creature’s lifecycle!”

Well, I put it to you that it is you, Sir/Madam, who is the idiot in this discussion. Look at this. And this. Also this. In each case we see the typical example of an older male presenter (often with suspiciously dark hair) paired with a much (much, much) younger female. It is never the other way around.

First, we can dismiss pair-bonding, as the age difference is clearly too large to conceive of any kind of sexual relationship. Don’t try to. You really can’t.

Second, notice also how the woman rarely speaks, and when she does participate it is to perform only the most elementary of tasks (smiling, nodding, pointing), such as you would give a child, whereas the man freely extemporizes on whatever fancy enters his head. Clearly what is happening is some kind of basic tutoring or observational learning, in the way a mother polar bear teaches her young how to hunt, or songbirds must first hear songs from older relatives or otherwise remain mute.

You’re still trying, aren’t you? Sicko.

Third, consider also the near total absence of middle-aged or older women from Japanese TV. Many cease to appear after reportedly ‘getting married’. This is clearly just local dialect for entering the pupal stage; after which they emerge to the next and final phase of their lifecycle. Like a butterfly, only significantly less attractive. It also explains why many foreigners 
experience difficulty in telling the younger Japanese ‘sexes’ apart. Many feel that young ‘men’ on Japanese TV look excessively feminine. Of course there is nothing excessive about it, as everyone under the age of 30 is actually female, and those few who do happen to look masculine are just nature’s way of confusing potential predators.

Who’s the idiot now, eh?

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