Künstlerroman

On Saturday I’ll have kept this blog going for 6 months, which is about 5 more than I thought I’d achieve when I started. Well done me. After 3 years at my last school, I also got transferred to a new one this month (which is why my comment responses have been a little sporadic, new schedule and all). Given all that, it seems like a good time to take stock, give some thanks, and indulge in a little bit of self-absorbed introspection. Like that’s not what this isn’t all about anyway.

There's something I've been meaning to tell you...

Firstly, some thanks. I write this blog mainly for myself, but clearly that’s not the whole of it or I’d just keep a private diary. There are several reasons I’m putting all this out there and the people who read what I write are greatly valued, those of you who comment even more so. I was lucky enough to catch the attention of both Chris and Ant early on. I’d like to think I’d have kept this up without any attention, but knowing people were reacting to it sealed the deal. So thanks for that, guys.

Thanks also to my small but intelligent and witty band of other regular commenters and readers; Kathryn, Will, Mr Salaryman, and I know Bobby’s lurking out there as well. If you’re new to the party, well come. I’d be overselling it if I said you alone made it worthwhile, but you definitely make it better.

Old, Fat(ter) Norm says cheers too.

And so on to the introspection. In the interests of practicing what I preach regarding methods and outcomes, let’s break it down a bit. The basic point of this blog is as it says in the mission statement, to actually produce something instead of simply consuming. But, as ever, it's really a little more complicated than that.

I teach English in Japanese high schools. It’s fair to say that the level of English I use on a day-to-day basis isn’t the highest. While my wife is fluent, the practicalities of actually living our lives don’t exactly lend themselves to philosophical discussion in high-register English. “Would you perchance cleanse our progeny’s posterior of that unsightly ordure, my dearest, lest it flows mightily down his inner leg and coruscates all over the fucking carpet?”

My son’s no better. He enjoys making fart noises with his lips. I’m so proud.

Thus, the style of writing I use here is deliberately idiomatic and high-falutin’. I don’t speak like this in real life (well, maybe a bit). It’s an effort to keep my hand in; actually sitting down and knocking out a couple of thousand words every week means I have to engage with the language in a way that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to. Cryptic crosswords are fun and all, but as skills go they’re still fairly receptive.

When I’m at work I have to communicate slowly and clearly. That’s no bad thing, but part of the reduction in speed is because I’m having to take more time to choose my words. I can’t always say what I mean, but I have to select the nearest approximation I think people will understand.

Explaining complex matters simply is a very valuable skill, but the aspects of language I’m most involved with are so grimly utilitarian. ELT necessarily strips out all but the most fundamental requirements for transmission of ideas, and that means you lose all the nuance and flavour which provide the beauty and fun. The language I use every day is very efficient, but then so is lard. Maximum calories, minimum space. Sometimes I want a decent meal prepared by someone with Michelin stars, and I occasionally like to flatter myself that I’m quite a good cook, too.

When I was in the sixth-form, one of the girls I had a bit of a crush on accused me of ‘loving the sound of my own voice’. Despite this handicap, I eventually managed to get off with her at the End of Year Ball, silken tongued charmer that I am (she was battered). It was though the first time I’d heard the term, and it cut a little deep.

Obviously it’s not true in the most literal sense. You’d have to be a total narcissist to actually enjoy the sound of your own voice. I have to record listening tests for work, but I’ll always try to find an excuse to be elsewhere when they’re being played back. It’s a fair indicator of serious personality problems if you can listen to a recording of your own voice without flinching like a man who’s just caught his glans in a sliding door.

She wasn’t wrong figuratively though. I do have a slightly unfortunate tendency to talk at people. It’s got better as I’ve got older, with all the reduced certainty and pig-headedness which aging brings, but you’ve still got to let it our somewhere.

Internet forums are dangerous. Populated by trolls, idiots, and moderators with Napoleon complexes. For all that I know this, and you know this too, I’ve still found myself on far too many occasions at one in the morning engaged in an absurdly petty argument about fishing quotas with a teenager from Nipplewhack, Idaho.

Plus it’s wholly reactive. You’re dependent on what other people say. Someone writes a piece, and that - if you ignore the half-a-dozen twats all claiming 'First!' - is what sets the parameters for the discussion, until someone mentions Hitler and then you really should stop paying attention. For all that it’s fun and necessary to pick holes in other people’s ideas and work, it takes a certain confidence to put original stuff out there in the first place, to be the person setting those parameters. As I’m finding out, it’s harder than it looks.

For all that I love the English language, prior to starting this blog the only lengthy bits of writing I’d ever produced were academic. They were usually fairly well received, but they were also very specifically goal based. The aims here are more amorphous. Trying to work out exactly what that voice I’m apparently so fond of sounds like, being one.

I think I’ve found one that feels like a good fit, but I’m going to keep trying the odd experiment or two with form, style, and structure. Some work, some don’t really. Just in terms of presentation though I think I've travelled a fair distance from day one. One of the sure signs that a long running sitcom is close to jumping the shark is when it starts doing two-part specials, so the three-parter I did a couple of weeks back may prove to be one of the less successful experiments.

The aim is to produce one ‘substantive’ piece a week. Not long necessarily, but something which I’ve put a bit of thought and effort into. The rest isn’t just filler, but does serve more personal purposes. I read quickly, so the book posts are in part an effort make sure I don’t skim and make me think a bit. The cake pictures are because I like cake. So far I’ve usually been putting the ‘main’ post up on a Friday, but I’m considering toying with that a bit. I’m also aiming for three posts a week because of that ‘make myself think’ thing, again. But I’m thinking of toying with that a bit, too.

Whether any of it appeals to you is another matter. I am genuinely interested in what you think of the stuff here, and welcome feedback (even on the layout. I like the background pic for my own reasons, but I’ve no idea how it looks to first time visitors). This is a very personal endeavor though, so I’m going to exercise that privilege of setting the parameters and retain the casting vote. I’m completely open to criticism and suggestion, but ultimately the only person I really have to please is myself.

There’s more, but those are the main bits. I like to talk, to write, and it’s time to actually put some stuff out there and see whether it flies or not.

Heh. I said 'Künst'.

Credit where it's due.