This Racist Dolphin Spoke About The Comfort Women. You Won’t Believe What Happened Next!

Join me as I go all out on a click-bait friendly round-up of the week in shitty Japanese media relations. Please join me. Please. I can’t do this on my own. Really. Probably best if you took away my shoelaces and any sharp objects as well. You don’t even have to hold my hand. Just be here and promise to call the emergency services if necessary.

Case One

The “Racist” ANA Ad

Was it really racist? Of course.

What’s with the scare quotes then? Dunno, a sop to those who think it was a storm in a teacup perhaps?

Why would you want to sop them? Oh, so sop’s a verb now, is it?

But I found it hilarious! It wasn’t racist at all! Then I’d suggest that a) your bar for hilarity is reeeally low, and b) you perhaps need to realize that your personal ethics are not universally applicable, and nor should they be.

Did it cause outrage then? Well, duh.

Was the outrage warranted? Most was, some wasn’t, as usual.

Let me guess, you find it less outrageous than tediously predictable. Yeah, how did you know?

We’re very close. Frankly I think your world-weary eye-rolling is worse than outrage. At least anger contains the hope for change, the assumption that the people who made this ad are thinking adults able to respond to criticism, as opposed to your patronizing condescension as though they were children incapable of operating in grown-up society. I suppose that’s fair. You really think things are going to change anytime soon though?

Umm… What was the second thing you wanted to talk about?

Case Two

The Taiji Dolphin Hunt

They’re killing easily anthropomorphosized sea mammals again? Yep.

And all sides are handling it with grace and dignity, are they? What do you think?

Does this attitude of ‘seen-it-all-before’ bored superiority you insist on projecting not get a little dull for you? Well, yes. But it’s not like I haven’t tried to engage with this before.

Wow, that post’s over two years old and still completely applicable! Thank you, glad you noticed.

Anything new this time around? Yes. The new American ambassador to Japan waded into things.

Literally? Not literally.

That’s a disappointment. I know. On the upside she did get invited to Taiji to watch dolphins get slaughtered.

Looks like I’ll have to raise my game for Valentine’s Day. It’s a step up from an Italian restaurant and a bunch of roses, that’s for sure.

Case Three

The new NHK chief says, well, just about anything.

Go on then, what did he say? He downplayed the comfort women issue.

Wow. That always goes down well. Doesn’t it just.

Japan needs to finally apologize for its wartime past! It has. Repeatedly.

It should pay compensation to these women! It did that too.

But they should apologize sincerely! The head of their national broadcaster thinks it isn’t important! He’s notionally in charge of the national conversation! Yeah. That doesn’t fill you with belief does it?

No. It doesn’t. This clown say anything else? Well, he tried to retract his remarks when he realized he was on the record, not off.

He’s not sure of the difference? I imagine he is now.

Isn’t that a fairly basic requirement for someone heading up a major media organization? How the hell did he get the job in the first place? He’s mates with Abe.

No relevant qualifications? No.

Experience? No.

Seems like he couldn’t have gotten off to a worse start. Apart from the bit where he said that the primary role of the national broadcaster was to air the views of the government, which is arguably worse coming from a man in his position.

Isn’t that basically propaganda? Yep.

I bet the opposition parties are incensed about the lack of balance. Opposition parties? How very quaint.

How about the rest of the media? They must be up in arms. Well, they are, but mainly about the comfort women.

Oh. I see. Very clever. If stupidity goes far enough it can eventually loop back round to look like that, I must admit.

That would seem to be the take home point from all of this, wouldn’t it? Yes. Glad I didn’t have to spell it out for you.

Happy to oblige. We’ll have to do this again sometime soon. Yes. I rather suspect we will.

Credit where it's due.