Monday 28 November 2011

Epistemologically Unsound Conclusions Concerning Japan and the Japanese, Based on Japanese Television

Number four in a series of some.

“Japanese beer is the infection vector for an ongoing alien invasion.”

You should turn off the sound for this, and don't watch each clip for more than a few seconds, either. I won't be held responsible for any further spread of the contagion. Besides, you’d have thought we’d all know what to look for by now. It’s not like they’re even trying to hide it. Look at this. And this. Also this. Notice how they often (but not always) cut away to wide shots briefly after the initial infection, in an effort to hide the full horror. The male host organisms are able to continue acting in a vaguely human fashion, but the poor female immediately starts to receive orders direct from the mothership.

While I for one welcome our new alien overlords, I do have one small plea to make. It’s all very well making examples of your successful conversions, but please try to avoid showing us the less successful attempts. The looks of pain and fear as they realise what has just happened to them is almost to much to bear.

Bonus material -
Here’s your increasingly traditional oral sex reference.


  1. You have too much time on your hands... but very well done.

    The truth is they have 'ice-cream headache' because you have to serve 'happo-shu' close to 0 Kelvin to avoid tasting it.

    Oral-sex girl? Seen worse... a long time ago, but her snaggle-teeth would still give me pause.

  2. "give me pause"

    That's a euphemism for something, isn't it? Dirty bastard.

    Last summer I decided that I should give some of those new alcohol free 'beers' a try, if only for the sake of my waistline. Even after I'd stuck them in the fridge overnight they were literally undrinkable. I went through about 3 different brands before giving up (I say 'went through', I took one sip of three different brands and chucked the rest down the sink).

    I drank some pretty awful concoctions in my youth, but at least they had the benefit of getting me drunk. These things have absolutely no redeeming feature whatsoever. Only beings who lack any kind of human taste receptors could have created them...

    It all ties together you see.

  3. 'happo-shu'

    Hey...that shit made me go clean and sober. 3 years in February. That vomit helped me kick my habit. Honestly...just seeing that word makes me ill.....HOLY SHIT that stuff is nasty.

  4. Now there's a promotional campaign right there -

    "When your dog throws up on the carpet, you can rub its face in the vomit to make sure it learns from its mistake.

    Got a habit you want to kick, but can't face your own puke? Try happo-shu instead!

    Happo-shu! Canine vomit in a can!"

    Joking aside, good work staying on the wagon. With or without the dog sick that's a job well done.