Honest Abe

Abe Shinzo gave a speech to congress a couple of days ago, and now I am conflicted.

Monday

There's a metaphor for something here, I'm sure, but I'm tired of waiting for the right topic to present itself and you all deserve to see this. Happy March.

One Star

One-star reviews. They’re great. Not for the authors, obviously, but for everyone else they’re an unbridled joy being as they usually are completely unfair, ill-founded, incoherent, and irrelevant. I don’t generally like panning books here (though that’s not wholly true; I just don’t like reading books which are likely to deserve a panning), but sometimes there can be something quite cathartic about just letting loose whatever ill-formed brain-vomit is frothing about at the top of your head. So here are a few one-star reviews from Amazon, some of which are genuine, and some I’ve fabricated myself.

Look, it’s either this or bang on again about the continued shit-fountain that is the NHK board of governors*, and I don’t think my will to live can survive much more of that unscathed.

This Racist Dolphin Spoke About The Comfort Women. You Won’t Believe What Happened Next!

Join me as I go all out on a click-bait friendly round-up of the week in shitty Japanese media relations. Please join me. Please. I can’t do this on my own. Really. Probably best if you took away my shoelaces and any sharp objects as well. You don’t even have to hold my hand. Just be here and promise to call the emergency services if necessary.

You Better Not Cry

Japanese lawmaker Taro Yamamoto got himself into a bit of hot water not so long ago, following the most ill-advised letter since the Children’s Television Workshop’s dalliance with Cyrillic in 1983 as part of a well-intentioned but ultimately disastrous attempt to ease Cold War tensions between East and West (“One! One Mother Russia! AHA HA HA HA!”).

Nope, sorry...

Still not getting it.

Why you are laughing?

Late to the party on this one, as ever. I have nothing to add beyond that already provided by other more thoughtful people, and am posting this largely for my own future reference.

This will be important later, I feel.

Slugs and Snails

Chewing the Cud, Part Three

So here’s the missing piece from parts one and two, hold on tight:

Epistemologically Unsound Conclusions Concerning Japan and the Japanese, Based on Japanese Television

Number six in a series of some

“Japan is a technological backwater”

I know, it’s got all those disturbing (sex) robots which otherwise serious engineers and academics seem to think will better help us/them understand (sex) emotions and (sex) feelings. “Captain Kirk, what is this ‘Love’ you humans speak of?” Never mind that these (sex) robots all dwell so deep down the uncanny valley they’re practically underground. Troglodyte (sex) mannequins are not the bleeding edge of technological sophistication.

And neither’s this. Or this. Or this. Never mind the (sexual) robotics, Japan clearly still hasn’t got to grips with PowerPoint yet. I know the first is pretty decent as far as model making goes, but the other two are cardboard signs and pointy sticks. That's primary school science project level. And that’s doing a disservice to primary school science projects.

These are prime time current affairs programmes, so clearly it can’t be a question of cost. All that cardboard and sticky-backed plastic adds up, and some of those things must have taken ages to construct. Clearly the only explanation is that no-one involved has the faintest idea about computer graphics.

Lend me your ears

And the rest.

This Ain't No Technological Breakdown

"Making use of an electronic blackboard, the teacher made expansive gestures to encourage the children to imitate the authentic pronunciation produced by the board."

The authentic pronunciation produced by the board.

Frankly it's too beautiful to sully with any further thoughts. I'll just leave it here for your edification and enlightenment.

Except to say this: I strongly suspect the only parts of the Japanese manufacturing sector which aren't being affected by the ridiculously strong yen are paving slab manufacturers.